shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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