Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize