New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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