super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
