Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i've created a new STD.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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