In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
