I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
