before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
