I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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