i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
