I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
