sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
