drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
