we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
