gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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