I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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