I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
