She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
