i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A+ Viking dick
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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