So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Damn victory sex feels great
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
