Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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