When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
