she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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