if i can run in heels then i can drive
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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