You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
