So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He has the fingertips of a God
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