You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
