her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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