I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
