My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
