Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
