Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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