ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
