new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
