Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
