dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
