My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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