Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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