This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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