So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
