He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
