I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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