Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
