Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
