Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
