I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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