They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
