so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
