There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
