Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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