So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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