That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
