haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
