omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
sex in a hospital.. check
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
