You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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