Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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