Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
