i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
