Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
