I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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