I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
