conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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