So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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