It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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