Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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