Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
