So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
