Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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