do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
