I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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