No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
