Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
