And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
