So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
