Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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