he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
