I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
