another moral hangover. fuck.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
did you just send me my own nude
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
