Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
operation have a gay friend backfired
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
