I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
