There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Farmville is her only friend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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