So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
