after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
