im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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