i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sext me about skeletons
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
