I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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