so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
