Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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