I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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