Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
