last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just forgot I was standing up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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